just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
