Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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