Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I believe in your delicious
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize