I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
even my farts smell like vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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