YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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