I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
