He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cockslap morals
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
