I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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