i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
