Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
