take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
