If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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