he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
