1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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