Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
one might say we're banned from that church
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
