Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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