First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
