genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
