so that wasnt chicken after all
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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