Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
