Got a toothbrush?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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