I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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