Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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