i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
