Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
