you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
