Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize