Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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