When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
