the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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