I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
