At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize