Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
