We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
