Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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