Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
