I look better un-naked...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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