i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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