the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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