im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
