Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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