She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
