I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Boobs are out for the taking
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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