Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
