why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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