Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
