last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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