obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
