No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
