I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
