I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
