she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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