When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
