I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
