My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
