Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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