I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
