Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
