Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just google imaged poop.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
