if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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