dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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