i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
