he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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