We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
