I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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