Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
