i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
