Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You ate ashes out of my bong
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
