the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
