I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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