I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
