New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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