so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize