last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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