Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize