Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we're making bets on your personal life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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