Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
