Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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