please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize