I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
