bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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