you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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