I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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