i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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