How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thus making me awesome and them whores
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
