Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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