My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
