i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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