Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
