i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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