i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
