I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize