i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
