Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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