I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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