don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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