Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
