plz talk dirty to me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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