I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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