super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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