she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
