do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
