Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
