meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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