I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
