farters have to be the big spoon...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
