Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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