Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize