so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
