is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
