dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
