I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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