Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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