i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize