I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
